camelot, this is not [entries|friends|calendar] penn arthur royce let's tear it down and build some love i know we'll make it to the end of the line, even if we break it one piece at a time. [ userinfo | insanejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | insanejournal calendar ]

spam filter; [28 Dec 2030|05:14pm] TWEETS/INSTAGRAM [ CARPENNTER ], TEXTS, EMAILS, VMAILS, LOVE/HATE NOTES, SPAM, PORN, ETC. 38 comments|post comment

screened ; [19 Nov 2030|12:32pm] penn arthur royce   info ★ customs ★ threads ✈ boston, massachusetts post comment

[13 Feb 2011|05:36pm] I feel like I'm mocking my girlfriend by saying this, but life at twenty-nine is not at all what I expected it to be. That, however, isn't always a bad thing. To be honest with myself and everyone else, I couldn't have expected my life to be better than it is right now. In the twenty-nine years that I've been on this planet, I have managed to find a home, find love, build a family, and follow my dreams. I am doing what I've wanted to do my entire life. I'm working for an architectural firm that is working towards building a brighter future, metaphorically and literally. I'm helping build houses for low income families, we do charity work for disaster relief by designing stable homes and providing the materials and contractors to carry out the building process. While we haven't found a home of our own yet, I am living with two of the most important women in my life and we are comfortable and happy. I have a gorgeous little girl who already has me wrapped around her little finger. I am hoping that, in time, I will be able to con her mother into becoming a Royce because that, alone, is the only other thing I could possibly want. I have my friends and my family, the health and happiness of all of them. Honestly? I think that's a pretty good place to be at twenty-nine. The short of it? Today is my birthday. I'm happy. And even more so? Happy that I get to share this day with a certain spunky redhead who has given me more than she will ever really know or understand. So .. happy birthday, Chase Alexandra Winters. Thank you for letting me know you and love you. 6 comments|post comment

Introducing .. [26 Dec 2010|10:10pm] Amanda Jade Royce born December 25th, 2010, at 10:35 in the morning. She weighed in at 6 lbs. 7 oz. and was 19 1/2 inches long. 26 comments|post comment

Mandie only. [17 Dec 2010|06:08pm] I'm freaking out. Like .. really freaking out. What if I can't do this? What if I'm a shitty Dad? What if something goes wrong during delivery? What if Chase resents me? What if I drop the baby on its head?! I almost dropped Ami once when she was a baby and she was just my neice! So it's not like I was holding her all the time .. and especially not when I was half asleep/awake. I don't know if I can do this, Mandie. I don't know if I'm ready .. 11 days. We're due in 11 days. And I feel like I'm going to throw up. 3 comments|post comment

I will be the last to let you down, all your fears and doubts are hovering above you like a cloud. [16 Nov 2010|06:22pm] I could be the first to let you know that ... I can't be with anyone since I felt our worlds collide. It's like I almost died, the way you make me feel. I'm changing, got me breaking down inside. Baby, can't you see? You ruined me for life. Private Nothing's the way it was supposed to be. Nothing. This isn't where I saw myself, this isn't where I saw us. I've said it a million times over .. my entire life, this is what I've wanted. I'm the guy who wants the happy ever after, the wife, the kids, the house .. all of it. I'm that guy. I've always been that guy. Did I expect it to happen now? No. I expected to finish school, get a job doing what I've worked so hard to do, meet someone when I'm in my thirties and potentially settle down. I never thought I was the guy who would meet the girl he wanted to spend his life with .. now. I never thought everything would happen backwards. Baby first. Then moving in. Now .. proposing marriage and getting a door slammed in my face. This isn't the life I expected, the life I wanted. Chase is an amazing woman. She's brilliant. Not just in that .. smarter than everyone I know kind of way. But in the way that she shines .. brighter than everybody. She's got all this life inside her, this heart that's about a million times bigger than anybody else's. When we met? Things were awkward at best. There was no .. love at first sight. I'm not fooling myself into believing that that's what this is. Because it's not. It's nothing like that. In fact, we could barely stand each other but for the playful flirty banter in the beginning. I'm almost positive she thought I was just some stupid playboy freak with a fetish for cheap porn. And .. well, I don't even know when it changed. No. I take that back. Glee. The night we got up and sang 'Push It' together at Mandie's karaoke thing. There was this spark, this ... it's stupid and romantic to say that we had this connection because I really don't think she felt it. But, from that moment? There wasn't anybody else for me. I knew it then and I know it now. I didn't know how to tell her, how to act, to show her .. to make her feel it too. And, looking back, I don't know if any of the decisions I made were the right ones. Maybe I should have just let her go. Maybe fighting with her that day at her brother's house, the day that our daughter was conceived .. maybe I shouldn't have ever gone over there. She'd be happy. She'd be free. She wouldn't feel caged or trapped or .. like everything is moving too fast. I did that to her. I took this brilliant person and I stuffed her in a box and now .. nobody else is seeing her shine and that's my fault. She's already given up so much of what she loves .. and it's not that I don't think she loves me or our baby .. in her way. I just .. Asking her to marry me .. the way she reacted, this isn't the life she wants. None of this was the life she wanted and I did this to her. It's no wonder she said no. I'm holding her back. She's it for me but .. maybe I'm not it for her and I'd rather she not grow to resent me because she felt forced to say yes when .. it's not what she wants or who she is. So, I'm taking the ring back to the store. It was a bad idea to begin with. End Private. I'm sorry for moving too fast. 11 comments|post comment

[05 Oct 2010|09:57pm] It has to be said ... I am in love with this belly. 20 comments|post comment

[15 Jul 2010|07:11pm] This is not Xaaaaanthu. Or, it is, but that's not going to be its name. Not a chance. Ever. In a million years. 8 comments|post comment

[25 May 2010|11:07am] This morning, I turned in my final project. I have to wait until the end of the week to find out what my grade is on it, but it's finally done. I'm finally done. Hopefully my professors think I put enough effort and thought into the whole thing that I get a grade decent enough to pass. If so, I'll be graduating with the rest of my class on the 8th. Mandie Only. I gotta admit that when I heard that she was pregnant .. when she first told me? It caught me completely off guard. I went instantly numb. Not because I was angry or upset about the news .. and not even that I was .. I don't know. It wasn't awful. I was just numb. I felt like the world stopped for a minute and that in the next few seconds, she was going to tell me that she didn't want to keep it or that she hated me for this. I was waiting for the bigger bomb to drop because to me? The whole .. news of being pregnant wasn't this huge bomb. It's not exactly what either of us were seeking out in life at this exact point in time but I can think of a million worse things to have happen. I've always been the kind of guy who wanted that life, who wanted to be the family man. I just never had anybody in my life that I wanted it with. Now, I'm not going to jump the gun here and speak my undying love for the woman. I'm just not. We don't know each other well enough for that. We know each other, yes. But there's so much more to it. It's too soon to talk about love and forever. But .. she's my family. She's a part of me now and that says something. Before, I couldn't picture myself in her life past tomorrow. I was just going with it, hoping she'd find a reason to keep me around when she woke up every morning. I like her. A lot. I want to be a part of her life and if I couldn't be that like we are now? Or .. like I was when she left a few weeks back? I guess I would have been content to just be her friend but it would have hurt because I .. I don't know, I got close to her and she became important to me. Just as important as you are and .. Dani wasis. I was scared that if I said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing .. she'd turn and run. And when she told me she was pregnant? I still felt that way. Like this was going to make her push me away. I know this isn't the life she wanted, I know I've cut her dreams short because of all this. And .. well, I feel like it's my fault that she can't be doing what she wants to be doing, that she can't be out there chasing all those storms she loves. And I worry that, despite the fact that we're going to have a baby together, she'll end up resenting me someday. I want to be a part of her life. I want to be with her, with our baby. I want to do this together, all of it. But I'm still afraid that she's going to wake up one day and decide I'm not good enough for her. I want to believe that we have something worth fighting for, worth toughing it all out for. Christ, I don't know. I just .. I don't want her to go. Now that she's here, now that we're a we .. I don't know if I could handle her waking up and realizing she'd rather do it all on her own, that the 'good guy' isn't what she wants. Even the thought of it makes my chest hurt. Sorry for unloading this on you, I just needed a chance to get it all out there. Figured maybe I could stop worrying about it once it wasn't just stirring in my head anymore. 18 comments|post comment

[30 Mar 2010|06:15pm] Spent yesterday attempting to clean out the mess that is my one small closet because Ami said that it was too full and if the niece has a complaint, I must do something to fix it. Anyhow, as I was digging through all the crap trying to decide what to keep and what to get rid of .. I came across this picture. I honestly don't remember when it was taken. There's a ton of them sitting in a box in the closet. Stuff my Mom tossed together when I moved out after high school, things she thought I'd want to have. I can't say that I ever actually looked through the stuff before but after ten years, I thought it was about time I saw what was in there. Funny. Even though I can't remember the exact time or location the photo was taken, I remember how close we all used to be. Not entirely sure what changed but I guess everything has to shift at some point. Amanda and I kept in close contact but over time, it seems that Danielle and I have drifted. It's a shame. She's an amazing person and I miss having her in my life. 8 comments|post comment

[28 Mar 2010|12:30am] Alright. I did the stupid ( musical chairs meme thing ) 4 comments|post comment

[26 Mar 2010|08:14pm] I don't really want to update this thing. I never seem to want to. There's not a whole lot to say. Or, okay, that's a lie. I have stuff to say, I just .. can't say it. So instead, I'll tell you a pointless fact. Today. I got my hair cut. And by cut, I mean gone. 20 comments|post comment

[28 Feb 2010|01:00am] I haven't been able to get the taste of strawberries out of my mouth for more than a week. Not that I'm complaining. 26 comments|post comment

[12 Jan 2010|11:40pm] Private -- Mandie and Dani Only. Okay. So. I fucked up with my comments, didn't I? 19 comments|post comment

[07 Jan 2010|08:49pm] Emergency Rooms. Elevators. And Engagements. How'd you spend your New Year's? 31 comments|post comment

OOC Christmas Post. [20 Dec 2009|06:33pm] Okay. Asher, Ami, Mandie, Lyric, and Chase's presents were all hand delivered. Dani and Jilli's presents were shipped to wherever they happen to be (unless Dani is in LA, then her's was hand delivered too!). Here's the ( list ) post comment

[14 Dec 2009|09:34pm] Asher's house needs a lot more work but I gotta say it looks a lot better now than it did two weeks ago. I'm hoping that he can get it on the market here soon since he wants to be in LA by the middle of January. He's put me in charge of trying to find some suitable homes for him and Ami while he's stuck up there. And because I don't feel like going house hunting on my own, I can't think of anybody better to drag than my adorable best friend. What do you say, Stevenson? We can pretend we're a couple and fuck with people's heads. It'll be great. 3 comments|post comment

[28 Nov 2009|07:54pm] Who : Chase Winters, Penn Royce, and any of the Glee Karaoke patrons who want to pipe up! What : Glee Karaoke -- From 'No Air' to 'The Thong Song' followed by 'Push It'. Where : 213. When : Sunday, 11/29. After the midnight hour. Rating : NC-17 .. Penn/Chase don't fuck around people! Oh, wait .. nvm! Open : To Karaoke people, yes! ( she had dumps like a truck truck truck ) 3 comments|post comment

[16 Nov 2009|10:20pm] ( Wtf. ) 27 comments|post comment

[11 Nov 2009|01:11am] I don't think I'll ever actually get the hang of this stupid thing. The idea of sitting on my ass in front of my computer on a regular basis, typing out some absolute nonsense on a 'blog' just doesn't seem to have a valid point to me. I mean, aside from Chase (who only reads my 'blog' to make fun of me), who really cares what I have to say on this stupid thing? The few friends I have who might bother to follow it, never really comment on it. Take Dani for instance. Of course, she's got a ton of other things to be doing and commenting on some guy she used to know before she got famous' journal is probably the last thing on her extremely long list of things to do. No offense, Belmont. I'm sure you're still as down to earth as you ever were. Not sure that's saying much. Okay, I'm sorry. That's harsh. I'm not in the best of moods lately. Los Angeles gets worse on a daily basis and if I was smart, like my brother, I'd have left this fucking town ages ago. I only have a few weeks left of school before I'm finally finished and can hopefully stop picking up everyone else's garbage for a living, which is a definite bonus. But for some reason, I'm sitting here wondering if the whole college endeavor wasn't a waste of time. What good is it really going to do me? How much work is there for carpenter's these days? Are they really building as many houses with the economy in shambles now as they used to? Sure, I could get a job working for people who are trying to 'flip' the shitty houses that are already on the market, but I'm not going to make a whole lot of money doing that, now am I? It's funny. When I started school, I didn't go into my chosen line of business thinking 'oh, that's gonna make me a ton of cash.' If I had done that, I probably would have gone to medical school like my parents wanted, because at least then I'd see some sort of flow into my bank accounts. But no, I picked a trade that will have me scraping the barrel for the rest of my life. Chances are, I'll have to pick up a part-time job just to make ends meet. And if that's the case, I might as well continue working as a sanitation worker. Alright, maybe updating this thing tonight wasn't my best idea. Not only do I think that journals are stupid, but I'm not coloring myself very well right now. Whatever. I'm going to bed. 70 comments|post comment

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